Hospice video records 1 life, redirects another

His parents called him Junior, and he lived only three months.

It was long enough for Katie Crosby and Russell Fisher to fall in love with their baby, Ryan Kendall Crosby, but not long enough to create indelible memories. The funny faces he made, the exact color of his eyes — time threatened to dim them all.

But at least they have the movie, a lasting document made by the unlikeliest of cinematographers: a 17-year-old girl with a bad attitude and zero experience in film.

The girl is Cindy Christian, a Wasson High School senior and the first teen to take part in a hospice project called “Reflections,” which uses high school filmmakers to record the end of life for the families of dying patients.

Turns out the camera shoots both ways. The project not only touched the lives of the families, it altered the life of the filmmaker.

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Christian needed a project like Reflections. She was struggling.

“She was a troubled teen,” said her mom, Cathy Christian. “She was hanging around the wrong crowd. She wasn’t getting good grades. She was skip- ping school. She had a really bad attitude toward her family life.

“She was involved with the Police Department; they had people come out and talk to her. We got to a point where we wanted to give up on her. She was getting really out of control.”

One of her teachers, Bruce Phillips, video-production instructor at Wasson High School, was approached a year ago about a project called Reflections that was being initiated by Pikes Peak Hospice & Palliative Care. The project allows dying patients to record memories and thoughts, to leave a piece of themselves for their families. It also brings teens into the process, which lends energy and vitality to patients while bringing home the lessons of mortality and responsibility to the students.

Phillips instantly bought into the idea.

“The educational process is not just about what you learn in the classroom, but how you function in the world,” Phillips said. “This is an important opportunity to learn about life in a way they can’t in the classroom.”

When he broached the topic of filming the final chapter of life, the first hand in the air belonged to Cindy Christian. She talked her boyfriend, 16-yearold Jason Diestelkamp, into helping.

“These were not kids you would have expected to take on a project like this,” Phillips said. “It’s a good example of never selling kids short.”

The purpose of Reflections resonated with Cindy. Beneath the surface problems of skipping school and bad grades, she was traversing tough emotional territory.

When she was 7, her older brother died the day after Thanksgiving. A few years later, her uncle died in a work accident. Then her grandfather died of colon cancer. He spent his final days in hospice.

“Not too long ago my grandpa died, and I was at their house every day,” Cindy said. “I did (Reflections) because I liked the idea of it, and I wish I had something like this of him.”

As Cindy tried to confront death, Katie Crosby, 20, and Russell Fisher, 23, were busy confronting life.

They were surprised to discover in 2004 that Crosby was pregnant. It was “kind of a little mistake,” Crosby said.

During the pregnancy she found out something was wrong — there was too much fluid around her baby’s brain.

Junior was not breathing when he was born March 26. A few days later he had an MRI, and doctors gave him a year to live, at the most.

As it turned out, Crosby and Fisher got two months and 26 days with their son. They entered the Pikes Peak Hospice program to help process the coming loss.

Hospice officials decided their family would be perfect for the Reflections project, providing them with a memento of their miracle and their grief.

Time was short. Pikes Peak Hospice volunteers director Cathy Woods, who created the Reflections project, grappled with the decision to expose the teens to an infant’s final days.

“Gee, do we really bring these kids in for this?” she said. “This is tough stuff.”

Junior was beginning to slip away in May when Cindy and Jason got the call. Even though summer vacation had begun, the two students were ready.

They just had no idea what they were doing. They were both in Phillips’ beginning class at Wasson, and had never shot or edited video.

What’s worse, Phillips was traveling and couldn’t offer a crash course. The students struggled to get into the high school to get cameras.

But Cindy and Jason were willing to try.

“We taught ourselves how to use the equipment,” Cindy said.

The parents and the filmmakers were nervous when they got together for filming. Fisher and Crosby talked about how they felt about their baby.

“It was awkward just because I don’t talk well on video,” Crosby said. “I thought they might be weirded out by the situation. But they made us feel really comfortable.

“I’m so nervous in front of cameras that I wanted Russell to take over for me. They showed Russell giving him a bath and changing him.”

Junior died shortly after the video was taken. Fisher and Crosby wanted people at the funeral to see their little guy in action — so Cindy and Jason begged their way into the school again and scrambled to produce a few minutes of video.

That’s the only bit of the video Crosby has seen so far.

“I haven’t seen it all,” she said. “It’s too hard to watch.”

But she’s thrilled to have it.

“I was nervous to do it, but now I’m so happy that I did,” Crosby said. “We were thinking he would live for a year, but in reality . . .”

“That’s the only video that we even have of him. I’ve forgotten exactly how he moved — you forget that kind of stuff, like facial expressions. Someday I’ll watch it.”

Cindy has worked on two more Reflections projects. She documented the thoughts of a 31-year-old man who wanted to say goodbye to his family. And the third woman had already died, but her friends paid tribute to her on video and presented it to her adult children.

During the past year, Cindy has faced death, and it has transformed her life. She said a year ago her teachers would have picked her as more likely to drop out than excel.

“I didn’t do so well,” she said. “Now that I’m involved in this I’m doing much better.”

Her mom said that’s an understatement.

“She totally, completely, did a 180,” Cathy Christian said. “She seems more mature, more responsible. Because she has these families’ memories in her hand, she really gives things 100 percent to make sure she does good work.”

Now 18, the high school senior has made peace with her ghosts and is moving forward. She’s taking a breather from the emotion and responsibility of the Reflections program.

“Now she wants to go to college and is getting good grades,” her mom said. “I’m so proud that she had it in her to do this.”

Katie Crosby said Cindy and Jason gave her a remarkable gift.

“It’s the worst feeling to feel like everybody forgot him,” she said. “I’m so glad I have this.”

When she plucks up the courage to pull the movie out of its sleeve, the tiny details of Junior will be remembered. She can cherish the light footprint he left on the Earth.

On a Tuesday morning in December, Cindy put the finishing touches on the video of Ryan Kendall Crosby. Actually, she finished months ago, but she’s learned so much about editing that she wanted to go back and improve the movie.

Cindy stared at her computer screen during her videoproduction class at Wasson High School. Other students gathered around editing stations, sipping coffee and soda, chatting about projects and flirting.

Cindy cycled through snippets of dozens of songs, trying to find the perfect sentiment to accompany a montage of pictures of Junior. She was silent except for the clicking of her mouse, rejecting songs that weren’t right.

Junior’s image filled her screen, a picture taken within minutes of his death, his tiny body cradled in the arms of his dad.

Fisher holds his face close to his son’s, so that their noses just touch. Junior looks like he is sleeping peacefully as his father tries to steep himself in the short time they had together.

“I still get sad every time I see it,” Cindy said.

And then, Cindy finds the right song. She sits back in her chair and smiles as she hears Creed’s “With Arms Wide Open”:

“We stand in awe, we’ve created life

With arms wide open

Under the sunlight

Welcome to this place

I’ll show you everything . . .”