Seminar aims to help the divorced cope with holidays

Christmas 1996 was a blue one for Elsa Kok Colopy.

Recently divorced, Colopy was struggling to support herself and provide for her 5-year-old daughter, Samantha. That year, she could afford to give Samantha only a coupon book as a Christmas gift. Meanwhile, Colopy’s ex-husband gave Samantha boxes of presents.

“I felt so much guilt,” said Colopy, choking up at the memory.

The holidays tend to be about spending time with family. But for people who are divorced or separated, the holidays can underscore that their marriage, and perhaps family, has fractured, giving rise to feelings of loneliness, depression, anger and guilt.

A free two-hour seminar Sunday at Calvary Worship Center in Colorado Springs sets out to help divorced or separated people enjoy the holidays despite their change in marital status.

“There are so many layers to the loss, and that’s what can take people by surprise,” said Colopy, facilitator of the Calvary Worship seminar “Surviving the Holidays.”

The seminar is part of a national program called DivorceCare, a nonprofit ministry founded in 1984 by Steve Grissom in Wake Forest, N.C. DivorceCare is a 13-week, faith-based video seminar that helps people move forward in their lives after a divorce. The seminar is in about 13,000 churches nationwide, two in the Springs.

In recent years, Grissom developed “Surviving the Holidays.”

“The holidays amplify the pain and hurt surrounding a divorce,” said Grissom, who founded DivorceCare after going through a divorce in the early 1980s.

About a year ago, Colopy helped bring DivorceCare to Calvary Worship after she moved to Colorado Springs from Arkansas. She’s seen many lives changed during the two DivorceCare programs she’s led at Calvary.

Colopy said that the “Surviving the Holidays” seminar, which is an offshoot of DivorceCare, will feature a video featuring practical strategies for dealing with one’s emotions during the holidays, after which participants break into small groups to discuss the strategies.

Colopy hopes to help divorced and separated people realize that they can still enjoy the holidays. “There’s a sense of shell shock after a divorce because no one gets married with the expectation of a divorce down the road,” Colopy said. “There’s shame, depression, loneliness and often financial concerns involved.

“We want to help people navigate their emotions during the holidays,” she said.
—
Call the writer at 636-0367

* “Surviving the Holidays”
What: A 2-hour session to convey strategic ways for divorced people to cope with the holidays
Where: Calvary Worship Center, 501 Castle Road
When: 5:30-7:30 p.m. Sunday
Cost: free
More information: 632-3311

* The next session of DivorceCare begins Jan. 24 at Calvary Worship Center and Village Seven Presbyterian Church, 4050 Nonchalant Circle South. Cost runs about $15 per person. Call the churches for more information. Village Seven’s number is 574-6700.