Finding that special someone – to officiate

    Every bride longs for perfection on her wedding day: the perfect dress, the perfect reception and the perfect ceremony. And what could be more perfect than being married by a friend or family member who's important to the couple?

    However, in Colorado all weddings must be performed by an official. According to Sandy Hook, recording manager for the El Paso County Clerk and Recording office, marriages can be officiated by a judge or retired judge, a court magistrate, a public official who can solemnize weddings, an official from any religious denomination, an Indian tribe or the couple themselves.

    Nevertheless, there are a few loopholes for couples who long for that special person's presence. For example, a friend can stand with the couple and lead them through their vows as long as it's the couple who signs the marriage license.

    Friends and family members also can become certified ministers. In most cases, this is free, legal and official in every way, and there are many ways people can become certified without being tied to any particular religion.

     Marni Green received her certificate of ministry online in 1999 from the Universal Life Church so she could professionally practice Reike, a Japanese form of meditation. After receiving her certificate, Green discovered she could perform wedding ceremonies, as well, and has solemnized weddings for many of her friends.

    She says it's nice to have someone close perform the ceremony because "they know you, it's more personal, and there's probably a lot more possibility of personalizing the ceremony."

    Crystal Brown was married to her husband, Chris, by a long-time friend of his. 

     "Chris liked the idea of someone we knew marrying us," she says. She recommends it because of the special touch it brings to the ceremony. 

      "Someone you care about is marrying you and (they are) someone who cares about you," she says. However, she advises couples considering this option to think long and hard about the person they select.

    "Choose someone who knows you better than others do; someone who will probably be in your life for a long time," Brown advises. "You don't want to have a fight with the person a month later and stop speaking to them. Then you'll remember forever that they married you."

    Also, Brown says it's important that whoever officiates the wedding understand what the couple wants. To accomplish this, she recommends couples talk about every aspect of the ceremony, such as what will be said and whether the couple will write their own vows. She even says to discuss all the minor aspects such as whether the couple will be turned toward each other and who will be carrying the rings.

    "You want someone who's open and doesn't want to control everything," Brown says. "They need to be open to your desires."

    On the other hand, Green says a little control can go a long way. "It's nice having someone who knows what they're doing so the couple's not so nervous."

    It is convenient to have a minister who's willing to go an extra step, she adds. 

    "You want someone who's worrying about the ceremony. Someone to remind the parents who's in charge and that it's the couple's day," Green says. In this way, she says the minister can make the ceremony much more comfortable for the bride and groom.

     "Couples need to realize (the wedding) is going to be more personalized with a friend, but a friend may not be experienced enough to help with the ceremony," Green says. "Couples may have to take more in hand the day of the wedding."

    For friends or relatives who agree to become official, Green says the process is relatively simple. When she became certified in 1999 through Universal Life Church, Green registered online. She received materials that she studied and later wrote about in an essay. The materials were not difficult and Green says they simply covered the church's mission statement - some general rules about respect for everyone's rights and beliefs.

    "If (couples) are considering a friend, they need to decide if they want the friend on the certificate," says Green. If so, she recommends couples get started early; not only because it took her 60 days to get her certificate back, but also because she says that couples need to research ideas if they want a specific type of ceremony.

    "I would suggest looking up past marriage ceremonies," Green says. "You wouldn't believe how many types of ceremonies you can get from online or the local library."

    Several church Web sites offer convenient and professional online ordinations, including www.ulc.org, Universal Life Church, www.universalministries.com, Universal Ministries, www.spiritualhumanism.org, Church of Spiritual Humanism, www.amfellow.org, American Fellowship Church and www.thechurchofnewlife.org, The Church of New Life, among others.