VIDEO: Haggard still struggles with sexuality, he says in documentary

In an HBO documentary set to air Jan. 29, disgraced evangelical leader Ted Haggard says he never claimed to be heterosexual, as was once reported, and he continues to struggle with same-sex attraction. But he's committed to living a heterosexual life because he believes it's better for children to be raised by a mother and a father.

In "The Trials of Ted Haggard," a film crew documents his and his family's day-to-day life in Arizona and Texas, where they lived after he was fired from New Life Church in November 2006 following a sexual relationship with a gay prostitute. Along the way, Haggard opens up about his lifelong battle with his sexuality and how he's drawn to the biblical passages about suffering since his relationship with prostitute Mike Jones became public.

Haggard, a 52-year-old father of five, careens from self-pity to self-loathing to self-aggrandizement in the documentary. Anger about his dismissal from the church he founded bubbles just below the surface.

"The reason I kept my personal struggle a secret is because I feared that my friends would reject me, abandon me and kick me out, and the church would exile and excommunicate me. And that happened and more," he says.

He also criticizes New Life's handling of his firing. "The church has said go to hell," Haggard says in the documentary. "The church chose not to forgive me."
Two of Haggard's children show up in the documentary, as does his wife, Gayle, who talks about why she stayed with her husband after the scandal.
"I know to restore the honor to our children is to help restore honor to their father," she says.

A spokesperson for HBO Media Relations said Wednesday that Haggard did not ask HBO to make the film and that he wasn't paid to participate by either HOB or director Alexandra Pelosi, daughter of U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Neither Pelosi nor Haggard could be reached for comment, but the spokesperson, Lena Iny, said Haggard will be part of an HBO press conference on the film Jan. 9 in Los Angeles.

Haggard now sells insurance -- which the documentary shows - but he laments that he's not good at it. He says he left hundreds of fliers on people's doors, and didn't get any responses.

"At this stage in my life, I am a loser," he says.

To read more about the documentary, including additional quotes from Haggard, go to "The Pulpit" blog at gazette.com.

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CONTACT THE WRITER: 636-0367 or mark.barna@gazette.com.