Loneliness can play role in depression

Have you noticed that lots of people are taking medications for depression these days? While these drugs serve an excellent purpose — and they are very much needed by many individuals — don’t assume a pill will fix all of your depression.

For example, you might need to address loneliness. Feeling alone and cut off from others can certainly make anyone feel down.

Healthy interaction with other people can revive you in ways nothing else can.

Loneliness can result from many situations:

You’re too good a listener. Everyone is unloading on you. You’re participating in one-way conversations. Your own needs never get addressed.

You’re working too many hours. With your nose to the grindstone, you’re not participating in idle chat, which is downright good for the spirit.

You live or work in isolation. Perhaps your home or apartment is too far from activities you enjoy. Or, your job might involve too much traveling alone.

Your family is dwindling. Your children might have flown the nest. Or, has your spouse died?

Loneliness is epidemic in our society, but few people will talk about it.

Why? Admitting you’re lonely can be humiliating.

“Saying you’re lonely is like being in sixth grade with no close friends,” said a divorced man we’ll call Steve. “You feel like there must be something wrong with you,” Steve pointed out. “So, you try to hide the fact you’re lonely.”

The three of us, in writing this column, talked with people from several walks of life. Among others, we spoke with doctors, accountants, new moms, and college kids.

All groups admitted they get lonely on a fairly regular basis. Age, economics and personality had nothing to do with it.

When we talked with people who seldom feel lonely, we found that there were certain factors that help any individual. All require that you be very proactive.

Here are some of the suggestions:

Have comforting rituals you do alone. For example, take a walk after dinner every night, or go to a movie by yourself every Sunday.

These activities, which don’t depend on other people, make you much less needy. You can nurture yourself at least part of the time.

Lay down some ground rules in friendships. For example, tell your pals, “Let’s gripe about our problems for 15 minutes, and then, let’s concentrate on having fun.”

Create activities to look forward to. Match people to these activities, and remind them to show up for the fun.

For instance, select certain friends for driving in the country and other friends to meet you for lunch twice a week.

If you’re older, focus on pets, plants and children.

Nursing home directors we spoke with insist that these three things keep lonely older citizens engaged.

“Pets make great listeners and loyal pals,” said Emma Troy, director of a nursing home near Erwin, Tenn. “We have cats, dogs and birds living among our patients. Also, looking after plants helps patients feel alive and needed.”

She continued, “With pets and plants, we add a group of lively children from a local school to the mix on Mondays and Thursdays. This creates a home atmosphere, so before long, we’ve got joy sailing around the recreation room.”

Judi Hopson and Emma Hopson, R.N., are authors of “Burnout To Balance: EMS Stress.” Ted Hagen is a family psychologist.