A death in the family

When longtime Silver Key Senior Services President Millicent “Mikki” Kraushaar died in December, her obituary included this:

“She is also survived by her dog Angel who provided unwavering love and comfort. They shared a special bond, and it was this little white dog that helped her understand how important pets are in the lives of people, especially the elderly.”

Years ago, few people would have been remembered with an obituary that included a pet among their survivors. But times have changed. Not only are pets being listed as survivors when their owners die, many are remembered with their own obituaries when they pass away. When a death in the family occurs, pets are being treated like any relative, to the point where some — including Angel — attend their owner’s funeral service.

It’s not surprising, considering that more pets than ever are being feted at birthday parties, going on vacations with families and receiving $36 billion worth of veterinary care, food, toys and other goods and services each year. It follows that humans would publicly memorialize their close bonds with an animal they consider family.

“I’ve seen an absolute increase in the number of individuals who see their pets as a significant part of who they are. It’s amazing how it’s not just in obituaries, but at services, and even the viewings,” says Daren Forbes, general manager of Horan & McConaty, a Denver funeral business.

The family of John Stephen Sporcich made sure his love of animals was highlighted in his obituary two years ago:

“John was the one to bring home family pets: Gypsy, the husky, who ran away so often her name was fitting; Nikki, the malamute who would eat the siding off the house, the seats off our bikes, and would dig holes all through the lawn John was so proud of. But he always had the unconditional love for these pets that he had for his family.”

Sporcich’s daughter Stephanie Sporcich of Minneapolis explains why the dogs were part of the obit: “Our pets are part of our family just as much as each of us, and we know that our father would have wanted them acknowledged. He brought the pets into our lives, and having them taught us certain values, such as caring for others and building relationships.”

Precious moments

In turn, owners are making sure that when animals pass on, they get special recognition with their own obits. Take this sentimental memorial published in 2005 in The Gazette in honor of Shadow Johnson, a cat who was the “beloved baby” of Diane Johnson. “Shadow was a loving, sweet, friendly cat,” the owner wrote. “Shadow, my precious, devoted baby, you are so deeply missed and you will live forever in my heart.”

Gail Bishop, who works for a Colorado State University clinic in Fort Collins that trains veterinarians to meet the emotional needs of pet-owning families, says the human-animal bond has been strengthened in recent years by societal changes that include frequent moves, divorce, the erosion of face-toface contact in the technological age and a growing single and elderly population living alone.

For some people, especially the elderly, shut-ins and the disabled, their pets are their only social support.

“We get calls from all over the country and they talk about their dogs, cats, turtles and fish as their best friend,” says Bishop, clinic coordinator for the Argus Institute. “They relied on them for love, and when they are no longer there, it is a huge loss.”

She says one of the main reasons people cherish their pets so much has to do with the “life witness” factor.

“Pets move with us through the years of our life,” Bishop says. “Maybe you got your dog in college, and he was there for your marriage and the birth of your first child, the precious moments, all those moves, the divorce, death.”

The stronger pet-owner relationship also translates into more meaningful ceremonies when a pet dies. Skye Stevens, co-owner of Homeward Bound, a local pet crematory, says that years ago, people would get rid of their pets by placing them in the garbage or burying them in the backyard.

These days most people cremate their animals and either keep the ashes or scatter them in favorite places.

“I think the changes started when we no longer thought of them as farm animals, and the pets began living with us in our houses,” she says.

Accepting grief

For a telling example of the changes in the way Americans view their pets, just look north, a few hours away, to Fort Collins, where CSU’s James L. Voss Veterinary Teaching Hospital became the first veterinary hospital to create a pet hospice program, which operates under the Argus Institute.

Argus also provides grief counseling and support to clients faced with such difficult decisions as putting a pet through chemotherapy or putting it down. At one point, such a fuss over a pet’s death would have been seen as over-the-top — even borderline crazy. Not anymore.

“Society is getting better in acknowledging that the grief for a pet is real,” Bishop says. “But we have a long way to go. Some people say, ‘Get over it. You can get another one.’ It’s not as simple as that. If you and that pet went through your mother’s death, your divorce, your cancer treatment, it’s not as easy as it sounds.”

That life connection is one reason Sporcich’s obituary included his pets.

“There is a special bond between animals and their owners that no one else can match,” says his daughter Stephanie. “We were reminded of that during our dad’s illness. . . . the dog understood that he was ill and stood by him throughout the suffering.”

It was the same for Jerilynn Knudtson of Colorado Springs, who didn’t think twice about including Caleb, a 14-year-old beagle-daschhund, in the memorial to her husband, John.

“Caleb was a big part of John’s life. Caleb is a family member and I think animals need to be recognized for the contribution they make to family life. It feels good to have our pets included.”

As the pet-owner bond has taken on greater significance, more businesses are acknowledging the trend. There are sympathy cards for people who have lost their pets, ornate pet urns and headstones, online memorial sites and pet memorial jewelry.

And funeral homes have become more accommodating to the wishes of their customers. Forbes’ funeral company encourages families to bring their pets to pre-service visitations, and when they do, even veteran funeral directors tear up.

“Recently we had a German shepherd that came and laid by the casket all evening. We were incredibly touched,” Forbes says.

With such an acommodating viewpoint becoming more common, it’s no wonder that no one blinked when Angel attended Mikki Kraushaar’s funeral. “They liked it because people never saw her without the dog,” says Dennis Shoemaker, general manager of Swan-Law Funeral Directors.

Springs resident Tanja Gacesa, a cousin of Kraushaar, says that when she and the family wrote the obituary, it seemed natural to include Angel as a survivor.

“We though Mikki would love it. Angel was with her night and day, she took her to grocery stores, vacations, restaurants. The only thing she asked for when she got sick was ‘Where is Angel?’”

Gacesa hopes to honor Kraushaar’s wish to have Angel cremated and put to rest with her. Angel will probably have her own obituary, too.

“Mikki would love it.”

CONTACT THE WRITER: 636-0371 or carol.mcgraw@gazette.com