It's not all about getting stuff

Want to keep the holiday crush under control without inciting a family riot? Try suggesting these gift-giving ways.

• Set money limits. It can be tough to stick to a budget when those around you are big spenders. No one wants to hand over a pair of socks and receive a Wii in return (or the reverse, for that matter). If everyone agrees on a reasonable limit beforehand, no one will feel resentful for spending too much or guilty for spending too little. In many families, particularly those that are growing exponentially with in-laws and grandchildren, drawing names may work best. Even if the spending limit is $75, that can still be a bargain when you consider that each member is buying for only one person.

• Remember: Less is more, even for kids. Families with young children may find it useful to cap the number of gifts, not just the monetary value. "It used to be ridiculous the amount of toys and gifts the kids got," says Jennifer Zahradnik, whose husband's family includes 11 grandchildren. "And their parents were sick of having so much stuff."

• Chip in, then splurge. Instead of spending, say, $20 per person for separate gifts, a group of friends or family members should consider pooling resources for something really special. This works well for weddings and birthdays, too.

"One year for a friend's 30th birthday, a group of us chipped in and bought a commissioned painting by an artist she admired," says Lisa Wise, of the Center for a New American Dream in Takoma Park, Md. "Years later, she still has it and loves it."

Stuck for splurge-worthy ideas? Try giving an experience. For the spa fanatic, think massage or mani-pedi. A child might enjoy tickets to a puppet show or a kid-oriented concert. (If you are taking someone else's child to see the Wiggles perform live, consider it a gift to the parent, too.) For a family, buy a membership to a museum or aquarium.

• Spend time, not money. Remember when you were 10 and out of cash, and had to get your mom a present? Remember how you made coupons that read, "Good for One Back Rub" or "Redeemable for One Hug"? OK, maybe the hug won't cut it anymore, but think of what you do have to offer: Babysitting services for exhausted new parents. Painting assistance for a friend who just bought a house. Pet-sitting for a honeymooning couple.

And the back rub still sounds pretty good.

• Make it yourself. With a little time and maybe just a little skill, most adults can create something desirable with their hands: a framed photograph, a knitted scarf or a plate of cookies.

"Consumables are actually great," Wise says. "Their environmental impact is minimal, and they're not going into a landfill."