Ode to the Ugly Tie

Maybe it was a dreary brown and a little too wide. Or it was covered with bats or vultures or teddy bears, or it was so brightly colored, onlookers had to shield their eyes. The ugly tie.

In honor of this quintessential symbol of bad Father’s Day gifts, we asked readers to submit their most memorable ugly-tie experiences. Perhaps their stories will inspire last-minute shoppers to find something hideous of their own for Father’s Day. Because nothing says love like an ugly tie.

STEPHEN SMITH, 46, SECURITY

“On May 20, 1989, as I was getting ready for my wedding, my best man, Jimmy, came out with all the tuxes and clothing for the groomsmen. We were almost dressed when I looked at the tie I had. It was dark brown with thin white stripes and it had ducks on it. Not the majestic flying style, more towards the type you’d see floating in an arcade. The thin end was also cut off, probably by a steak knife, and it was in definite need of ironing and cleaning.

“I started to squawk about how the tux rental store could rent such a piece of junk. I also was wondering why my tie was different from everyone else. Jimmy quickly told me it was custom that the groom have a different tie from the groomsmen. I bought it.

“Right before we got to the church, Jimmy gave me the right tie to put on. Everyone was afraid of what my soon-to-be mother-in-law would do to them if I showed up with the duck tie. Everyone at the wedding had a good laugh of what went on prior to the services. The lucky duck tie had become a story.

“Six months passed and so had my father-in-law. We all went home for the funeral. We were at the wake when Jimmy had come in the door. My wife looked up and started laughing. Yep, Jimmy had on the lucky duck tie. It was so perfect. It made my wife laugh at a very sad time — nothing could have been better.

“Ten years passed and I had forgotten about the lucky duck tie. I had just retired from the Army when I got an envelope in the mail. I opened it and there was the tie, even uglier and more wrinkled than ever. I had a job interview lined up the next week and told my wife I was wearing it to the interview. She protested. I insisted. I explained all the good things that tie had done. She regretfully let me wear it. Maybe the boss felt sorry for me by looking at that shabby piece of brown cloth, or maybe he saw some courage in someone that would wear that. I don’t know, but I did get the job.”

SAMMY PAYNE, 58 COLORADO SPRINGS

“Several years ago, the company I worked for decided to have an ugly-tie contest as part of their Father’s Day festivities. While I didn’t have any particularly ugly ties, I figured that, with the month head start, I could surely find one that would be competitive. My daughter, about 14 at the time, and I regularly did father-daughter bonding outings by spending a couple of hours each Saturday morning going to local garage sales.

“She and I promptly added ‘ugly ties’ to our want list and the search began.

“A few weeks later we were at a garage sale when my daughter rushed over, excitedly grabbed my arm and dragged me to a cardboard box, which turned out to be full of ties. She pulled out several that she found particularly ugly, and I had to agree that there were real possibilities there. I began to see myself with a first place ribbon! We picked out a half-dozen and went up to pay.

“The garage sale was being held by a couple of elderly ladies, and as we came up, one of the ladies looked up and said, ‘I’m so glad that someone is buying some of the ties. They were my husband’s favorites and I’m so happy that someone else will be enjoying them now that he’s gone.’ I could have crawled under a rock had there been one handy! Luckily, neither my daughter or I had given away the purpose for our excitement and so spared the lady from our insensitivity, but to this day, when I recall the situation I feel guilty.

“On the day of the ugly-tie contest, I simply couldn’t make up my mind on a single tie, so I ended up taking two to work, thinking I’d make my final decision later. Ended up that I chose one, loaned the other to a co-worker, and we ended up taking first and second in the contest!”

DWAYNE ANDERSON, 77, COLORADO SPRINGS

“My wife, Violette, and I have been married 54 years. We got married April 24, 1953, in Hebron, Nebraska. We were the last couple married in the Hebron Christian Church, (because) a tornado hit Hebron and destroyed the church. I was married in a $19.95 suit and the tie the salesman gave me. I have worn it every week to church on our anniversary. I get up in front of the congregation and tell them it’s our anniversary and I’m wearing the same tie I was married in. I want to be wearing it when my final day of life is over.”

SANDY COGGESHALL, 69, COLORADO SPRINGS, WHO FASHIONED A TIE FOR HER HUSBAND, PETE, 67

“My husband’s ugliest tie was one I made for him. The timeline on this story is a little hazy, but my husband and I both think I made the tie in the early 1970s. (In) the ’50s and ’60s, ties were known (to be) increasingly thin. However, my husband continued to wear some of the thinner ties to work, even though it was no doubt quite unfashionable to do.

“As a joke for his co-workers, I decided to create a very, very wide, ugly tie for him to wear to work. I searched for and purchased material with an especially ugly pattern. The material had a white background with lilac, purple and white flowers with avocado leaves. I made the tie 6¼ inches at its widest, and it was indeed ugly!

“My husband boldly wore the tie to work for just one day. It resulted in many laughs and comments from his co-workers. He said he actually got a few compliments on the tie! Well, I don’t know about true compliments!”

P. DIANE PETERSON, 55, COLORADO SPRINGS

“I make purses with men’s silk ties. They sold at boutiques in Illinois, where I recently resided.

“I have had customers send me their deceased fathers’, grandfathers’ or husbands’ ties to make a purse as remembrance of their loved ones. Some of my friends have raided their husbands’ closets for my supply. I have had bags of ties show up at my door. It seems that finding a home and a purpose for their loved ones’ ties makes them feel good.

“My friend, Sherry, gave me all her husband’s ties she had saved while he was in medical residency in Chicago. Every day he wore the same colors in his tie — blue and orange. So I had many to choose from.

“The purse was darling. But when she saw it, she said, ‘I still can’t stand the sight of those ties!’ He was seldom home then, and they reminded her of their early struggles.

“I am saving the purse just in case she changes her mind.”