Women behind the police

Sometimes it just takes a person who loves a police officer to truly understand what a cop’s wife or girlfriend goes through.

Many such women learned that lesson late last year and put the knowledge to good use: They formed the Colorado Springs Police Department Wives Association.

After two Colorado Springs police officers were gunned down in less than 10 months in 2006, wives and girlfriends of officers gathered to grieve and to support each other.

“We didn’t really think about it until then,” said Nikki Skifstad. “Then we realized we were really missing something.”

That something was the camaraderie shared between wives and girlfriends of men who strap on a gun, put a badge on their chest and work to protect the community every day.

“It was exciting to get together with a bunch of women who really understand what you’re feeling,” said Kristi Havenar.

“We can definitely identify with soldiers’ wives,” said Jen Unrau.

The three women organized the first meeting of the association in January. Participants talked mainly of the signs of post-traumatic stress disorder and how to help their husbands or boyfriends grieve.

Many Colorado Springs police officers were reeling from the Dec. 4, 2006, death of officer Ken Jordan, gunned down by an alleged drunken driver. Jordan was the second officer killed in the line of duty in 2006. Detective Jared Jensen was shot and killed that February, allegedly by a wanted felon he was trying to arrest.

“We just collaborate, give our experiences and offer tips and suggestions,” Skifstad said.

The group is especially helpful to young wives or girlfriends of men who recently joined the force.

“A big question the wives were asking was, ‘How do I know if he’s handling this OK?’” Skifstad said. “With the bonding they go through with other officers, they often deal with the grief process at work. Then when they come home, they’re done with it.”

“Sometimes you don’t know if he wants to talk, or if he needs his space,” Unrau said. “And that can change from hour to hour.”

The women were finding that sometimes their other friends couldn’t relate to the crazy schedules their husbands keep and the toughness it takes to be a cop’s wife or girlfriend.

“Many of the wives experienced a fear after those deaths and didn’t want their husbands doing it anymore,” Havenar said. “But they love their job. They want to do it forever. They’d do it for free. . . . It’s important he feels supported by you.”

Group members — an average of 25 to 35 — meet monthly, changing the day of the week and rotating locations among each of the four substations around the city. They keep the meetings positive, never criticizing the department.

At first, there was discussion of whether husbands and boyfriends of female officers could join.

“They didn’t know if they would feel comfortable enough with men around to really be open during discussion,” Skifstad said.

Though they decided to limit it to wives and girlfriends, Skifstad said that a husband showed up to the last meeting and that members welcomed him.

“He was active in the discussion and stated how he was surprised to hear that the things the wives felt and dealt with were the same for him as a husband,” she said.

Recently, the women got Colorado Springs School District 11 officials to approve a poster contest for students to recognize National Police Week in May.

The theme of the contest is: “My Hero Wears Blue.”

“We want to bring kids a positive image of police,” Unrau said.

The women hope that by helping each other, they can better cope with their jobs at home, which will make their husbands and boyfriends better officers.

“It means a lot to them that their wives are making an effort to get together,” Unrau said.

“It’s a place of comfort,” Skifstad said of the group meetings.

CONTACT THE WRITER: 636-0110 or dennis.huspeni@gazette.com

MEETING DETAILS

The next meeting of the CSPD Wives Association is 6:30 p.m. Thursday, Jan. 17, at the Sand Creek substation community room, 4125 Center Park Drive, near Fountain and Academy boulevards. For more information: www.cspdwives.org.