NOREEN: To enjoy this you have to be sick
Tuesday’s Colorado Springs City Council meeting could be likened to a double feature, “The Three Faces of Eve” and “Psycho.”
Only Alfred Hitchcock, a meth-crazed sadist or someone suffering from narcissistic personality disorder could have derived pleasure from the spectacle, which fluctuated from the grisly to the bizarre, to just plain sad.
The council, forced to perform budget butchery for weeks, got down to the final business of making all of the cuts official.
City department heads and their support staffers sat glumly, on hand to answer questions from elected officials. Except for a few details, the outcome was known well in advance.
A total drag for almost everyone.
Anti-government activist Douglas Bruce, though, was in full flame. Awash in victory from his latest Election Day sortie on the powers that be, the Dougster was at his manic best, constantly raising his hand from the audience like a schoolboy trying to get the adults’ attention. He threatened lawsuits, lectured on the law as defined by him, argued about utilities’ payments in lieu of taxes and split hairs over the definition of the word “hereafter.”
Hereafter?
“No,” you’re going to say, “it’s inconceivable that a roomful of adults could grind along on such triviality.”
Sorry, but it’s all on videotape.
The council had little choice when Bruce began telling them that his Issue 300, recently approved by voters, was intended to shut down the city’s stormwater enterprise immediately. That’s because, according to Bruce, “hereafter” means “immediately.”
Dictionaries were consulted, words minced, and the council, which plans to wind the stormwater operation down in about two years, informed Bruce that if he wants a judge to rule on “hereafter,” then that’s the way it will be.
Discussing a side issue with a utilities staffer in the hallway, Bruce said: “If I have to litigate, I will litigate.”
Just in time for Christmas, Ebenezer? A subpoena, the perfect stocking stuffer.
Bruce insisted the intent of the voters was to end the stormwater enterprise right away, even though several projects are in mid-stream. He wants the city to simply walk away from the work right now, and that’s about as wasteful as it gets. Winding down the stormwater enterprise so active projects can be completed seems reasonable.
Councilman Sean Paige told Bruce it’s not the city’s fault the ballot wording was “incomprehensible.” As to the voters’ intent, Paige added, “People aren’t voting on a bumper sticker.”
Defining “hereafter” isn’t hard. It’s the place Bruce wants all of government to go. It’s even easier to predict portions of the city’s hereafter: There will be more cuts next year and more lawsuits from the Dougster.
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