SIDE STREETS: Daughter forgives mother for adoption and looks forward to reunion
Last Thursday, Sandra McBroom received a one-word text message that changed her life: “Hello?”
It was sent by Ashley Nellums, a 20-year-old woman in rural Missouri. Ashley is the daughter Sandra gave up for adoption as a three-day-old infant.
Sandra, 37, had exchanged a few letters with Ashley over the years. But all communication stopped about eight years ago.
Now, thanks to the wonders of social networking, and the healing and understanding that comes with time and maturity, the two are planning a reunion, perhaps next week. It will include Sandra’s son, Taylor, 17, who is eager to meet his sister.
“We’ve talked daily since last Thursday,” said Sandra, who works at Helen Hunt Elementary School. “Having her back in my life is the best gift I could ask for.”
Taylor, a junior at Palmer High School, feels the same.
“Forever, it’s been just me and my mom,” Taylor said. “I’m excited to start a relationship, a friendship and a family with Ashley.”
It’s a reunion that might never have happened.
Before it could, Ashley said she had to overcome the rejection and abandonment she felt as a teenager. She didn’t understand why Sandra gave her up but, three years later, decided to keep Taylor and raise him.
“I was mad at her for keeping my little brother,” Ashley said Tuesday.
Her feelings had nothing to do with her adoptive parents in Grand Junction, school teachers who raised her in a loving home.
“My parents are wonderful,” she said. “I love them. They gave me a great life.”
Still, her anger lingered.
It took time and experience to help Ashley appreciate the stress Sandra must have felt becoming pregnant at 16, trying to contemplate being a mother and a high school student two years after her own father had died.
“Things were really tough,” Sandra said. “I had her at the beginning of my senior year. It was a long haul. And giving her up for adoption was a long, hard choice.”
She comforted herself by insisting on an open adoption which would allow her to remain in contact and choosing Ashley’s parents herself. And she tried to stay connected until Ashley’s feelings hit.
“I didn’t understand why I had to go,” Ashley said. “They didn’t accept me but Taylor got to stay.”
Now, Ashley said she sees the situation differently. That’s because she’s juggling the stress of being a wife, student and a mother, herself. That’s right, Sandra not only is getting a daughter back, but she also is getting a granddaughter, 2-year-old Tearza.
The new outlook spurred Ashley to seek out her family on Facebook. There, mutual friends led her to Taylor and eventually the “Hello?” text to Sandra.
“She was young when she had me and the adoption was probably for the best,” Ashley said. “I’ve forgiven her 100 percent and I just want to make up for the lost time.”
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See photos on my blog at
gazette.com/blogs/sidestreets
