OPINION: Have a guilt-free holiday season

The holidays start this week and you are guilty. You're guilty of being human, guilty of prosperity, guilty of consumption that might kill a sea turtle. You're guilty of having so much, while others have so little. You're guilty of being happy, while others are sad.

You're guilty of freedom.

So here's a two-part plan to deal with all that: 1. Just say "no" to plastic bags when you shop; and 2. Don't let the guilt-mongering soreheads get you down.

To help children enjoy the holidays, avoid negative talk about recession or the state of the family's 401(k). Don't kill their joy as the Debbie Downers will try to spoil yours.

Downers who spoil the holidays include: 1. Soreheads who find one reason or another to take offense at the words "Merry Christmas"; 2. Soreheads who find one reason or another to take offense at the words "Happy Holidays"; 3. The "I'm depressed because I've had a hard life, you haven't, and the holidays stir stressful childhood memories" soreheads; 4. General soreheads who decide that food, friends, gifts, music and cheer are reason for anger and despair; and 5. the "Christmas is too commercial" soreheads.
And this year, more than ever, you'll encounter purveyors of anti-holiday environmental guilt. This new variety of anti-holiday sorehead believes Americans can't enjoy the fruits of prosperity without harming Mother Earth. Assuage them by giving up plastic bags for reusable cloth bags. It's a simple concession that might save a turtle.

Environmental guilt has become big business in the United States, and it's becoming increasingly difficult to ignore. So, after giving up plastic bags as a major concession to the green guilt pushers, protect yourself from hysterical negativity by avoiding "eco-tainment" and "guilt TV," which spoil the fun of travel, food and gifts.

Guilt TV, the main vehicle for eco-tainment, has proliferated in recent years on the high numbered cable and satellite channels. It offers round-the-clock images of melting ice, distressed polar bears and other alarming footage presented in a "global warming caused by Americans" context. Eco-tainment celebrities present pseudo-science lectures that warn of an imminent future that's too hot or too cold, too wet or too dry. These guilt channels were once devoted to science, history, homemaking, gardening and outdoor adventure. Yesterday's holiday programming gave gift-wrapping tips; today's explains how gift wrap threatens Antarctica.

Yesterday's how-to shows about home renovation have become reality programming in which middle-class families are chastised for carbon footprints they must reduce to save the polar bear on the melting iceberg. Rock stars known for debauchery, such as Tommy Lee and Ludacris, are featured on Planet Green's "Battleground Earth," battling against "the toxic forces destroying Mother Earth as they travel across the country on a 10-epsiode tour." These men should return to loud music. Lee, a smelly, tattooed drummer, boasts of saving water by foregoing showers and baths. Amazingly, the Hollywood glitterati - wasteful people who traverse the country in limousines and private jets - are telling the little people to lower their "footprints" by scaling back their lifestyles.

Bill Nye the Science Guy, who used to teach children fun science experiments as a veritable Mr. Rogers in a lab coat, lectures kids via guilt TV about the numerous ways their families warm the earth and destroy fuzzy creatures and plants.

This week, guilt media will tell us how it's cruel to eat turkey. We'll learn how traveling over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house may contribute to the death of a bear. Here's a typical rant from a guilt Web site: "It's amazing how big a negative impact it (Thanksgiving) has on our environment... Think about how far your food traveled to your table - turkeys from the Northeast, corn from the Midwest, and asparagus by air freight from South America... Consider the possible effects of continued global warming. Crops traditionally associated with Thanksgiving - including wheat, cranberries, pumpkins and chestnuts - may migrate north into Canada and no longer be viably grown in the United States at all... etc., etc."

One green Web site shows a family of four carrying groceries in plastic bags. "Their bags could be killing our wildlife," we are warned. The site asks that we consider "the haunting image of a sea turtle, thousands of miles away, struggling through the deep ocean waters as discarded plastic bags wrap themselves around its flippers and body."

It's green guilt, but in this case it's valid and we should act. Plastic bags are an obvious, tangible, visible and needless menace.

They're tangled in our trees and they're swirling in our oceans and lakes. They suffocate 25 children each year, reports the U.S. consumer Product Safety Commission. Wisely, Whole Foods no longer offers plastic bags. Most other merchants push them. It's common for a check stand bagger to put a plastic bag of potatoes into another plastic bag for no apparent reason. Buy your kid an Ipod for Hanukkah, and someone will shove the tiny item into a giant plastic bag.

Consumers can't all buy local produce and free-range turkeys raised next door. But they can say "no" to plastic bags before Big Government regulation does it for them. Get in the habit of bringing cloth, canvas or burlap bags to the store this holiday season.

Likewise, merchants can easily follow the voluntary example set by Whole Foods. Lose the plastic, save a turtle, party like crazy and assume no guilt.

It's OK to eat, drink and be merry. It's OK to shop till you drop. It's OK to love and enjoy the holiday season - to celebrate prosperity and freedom without apology.

Protecting that freedom, however, involves sensible acts of self-imposed responsibility - like saying no to needless plastic bags.